If you’re up there somewhere – I

Dear God,

Hi. You might remember me. I’m an abnormal creation of yours; a thinks-too-much-and-ends-up-crying sort of vegetarian teenage girl with the so-called killer attitude. Now I’m not blaming you for your little prank on this world by creating a creature like me. I mean its crazy how people think I’m very strong and all that, isn’t it? YOU know what I’m made of. But yes, I hate it when I’m misunderstood for a wimp or a whiner. I guess I could say I have always been a good friend, a good daughter, a good student..Hmm, I might not be THAT bad, people love me and find my company enjoyable, you see. But there’s this heart renting seemingly stupid things in my life that makes the silliest part of me go berserk. I don’t ask you to rectify your manufacture mistake in my case; in fact my abnormality fascinates me now- so much, that I feel like my life itself would have been a cliché without it! That’s why I thought of writing to you, you know. To say hello, thank you for all the wonderful things and let you know how hard life gets, or how hard I make it…It’s a bit of an irony that I’ve not written to you before; I’m not an atheist unlike a few of my friends, but a tentative believer. I’m about to turn 17 next month and not even one letter to the Creator?! So sorry for that dude, oops God! 😀

By the way, I have no idea what you look like. Or what you are. Or whether you even exist!! Ha-ha! Maybe you’re the long bearded Merlin- type old man who stands near the huge Golden Gateway, as I see in my dreams, interrogating dead people to decide whether they should end up in heaven or hell. Or maybe you’re the ghee loving, little naughty dark-skinned kid. Or maybe the bearded soft-spoken kind hearted shepherd. Or the shapeless Power that resides in every soul, every stone, every little fundamental particle. Oh yes, I’ve heard ‘God is Love’. Doesn’t make a lot of sense I think , if you’re actually writing to the God , so let’s leave THAT notion. The world would have been a bit more peaceful if you had just said how you looked like you know. Because then, religions may never have existed! Don’t misunderstand though-I really don’t mind if you look Greek, Black or Asian or if you’re a star or a shining sword .I wouldn’t mind if you’re revealed to be even a shapeless little blot on an otherwise-blank canvas. It’s none of my business anyway.

To start with, do you know how badly I want a time machine? I want to get out of the current phase of my life. I don’t care if it’s to the past or the future. I wouldn’t mind ending up in Dandi of 1930 or Bengaluru of 2020 but I just don’t want me HERE, NOW. Maybe it’s just the ‘hormones kicking in’ as Murli sir, my Math sir says. Or maybe I’m attaining a new hybrid level of insanity. All I can say is that it’s not making my life pleasant. None of my best friends are in my school… I have a load of notes and textbooks and records competing to gain my attention…I know I’m an internet addict who fails to do anything about it… I feel like I never get what I want, but just what I need which is PRETTY AWFUL if you ask me… I have just APPLIED to three Universities in U.S. and people are acting like I’ve already got admission with a 40,000$ grant or something! It might not qualify as huge problems, I know. But as I’m a masochistic specimen, I tend to slightly over-regard things.

Sigh. I ask for only one thing, presently. To give me enough common sense to know what I want. And the sense to not give up and keep trying if I don’t get it, because you’re not going to directly help me get what I want, right? J Ah.. it feels good telling you all this, you know. It’s the feeling you get when you’re thanking the Chef for the tasty food and then telling him that he could have added a bit more Garam Masala! Hehe. Will write to you frequently again.

With love and awe

A.U.

P.S : Thanks for my smile. It’s the one part of me I truly and sincerely admire. J

15 Comments

  1. lol.

    imagine what an athiest will comment on this??
    that too a hard core athiest like me?

    I believe you are a believer. I am no one to comment on anything about religion or GOD, but i do respect the religions, and i do believe that your faith will help you.

    but then.
    Time machine may not help you.
    I wished i was transprted to 2010 when i was in 2000, and at 2010 now, i wish i was transported to 2000.

    Grass, is always greener on the other side.
    But then, i am sre you did not write it in that serious note.

    And about the US thing. I will be happy if you get to a good university, but i will not be sad if you dont.

    I guess you get my point.

  2. I was not an atheist till I was almost of the same age as you are now… I wrote similar letters to god but unfortunately at that time there was no internet for public use and no Blogs which Gods used to visit- So ill Just leave wishing you all the best in your search for peace coz this is something which you have to do alone only…neither friends, nor family can be with you in this. Aaammeeeennnn!

  3. @ramanathan.

    I cannot take things in right way, because i have no clue what 'right' is. Its good to see people like you who are 'enlightened' and knows what is right and wrong, and knows about life.

    I hope more people like you exist in this world, who can answer the questions of people like me, who have no idea whats going on in this world.

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